Alone in a crowd...

I debated about posting this today. However, I want to be as honest w/you all as I can, especially those of you who are supporting me either financially or through prayer!

Before anyone jumps to any conclusions let me assure you that I am HAPPY. I love Germany and love living in Europe. God has blessed me with wonderful students and each day brings something new with it. But that doesn't mean that I haven't been somewhat lonely as of late. There are days when I feel like I'm the only one going thru this transition of living abroad. They warned us about this at orientation but for most people, it doesn't happen until after Christmas. The last time I lived abroad I experienced the transition phase the minute I landed after Christmas break. This time it was the minute I landed and stepped foot off the plane in Basel. It's definitely an adjustment. There are times I forget that I am living in another country. And then I step outside my apartment and realize everyone else (sans my roommate and coworkers!) is speaking another language. Everything isn't written in English. The longing I have to give my parents and brother and friends a big hug lingers and I know it won't happen for another few months.

It seems I've always had this urge for adventure inside of me. And following God requires an adventurous spirit b/c you never know where He is going to take you! However, He seems to always place desires in my heart that take me around the world! I'm not complaining so please don't think that I am sitting over here whining. I can't imagine doing anything else right now. I can't imagine teaching in Florida or anywhere else in the States for a few years. I am right where I'm supposed to be. But it doesn't mean that I don't get lonely and struggle with reasons in my head and heart why it is that God chooses me to fly 4,000 miles away from everything and anyone I know and love.

So how am I right now? I will admit that I am struggling w/a bit of homesickness. I think ever since Anne's dad got out of the hospital I've been missing my dad a lot more than I have. It is harder to keep in touch w/my friends and since 2 of them are planning a wedding a part of me wants to help out but that's kind of hard at the moment! I long to get emails and snail mails from friends and family and when I do, it's like a bit of home has come to Germany. On the other hand, there are many days that I wake up (even when it's freezing cold in August!) and think 'Wow! Thank you God for bringing me here to have a ministry!' And then I get to school and start teaching and I see a glimmer of hope in some of my students' eyes. Especially those who have never gotten positive reinforcement from a teacher before. That's when I know that I know that I know that I'm not here by accident. It reminds me of how small the human brain is and that God is bigger than anything I could ever try to accomplish on my own.

Please don't read this and feel bad or sad or anything for me. I promise everything is OK (that last line was for my parents who, upon reading this, will immediately email me wanting to know if I'm OK!). I am just going thru the reality of transitioning to a new place in a new country. As they say in German "ALLES GUT!"